• Katie Korzen

Sex Addicts Don’t like Sex

I love sex. Because I love to connect with my partner through lovemaking. Lovemaking is exactly what the word describes, we actually have the opportunity to generate more love. We do this by joining in loving intimate union not by using each others energy to regulate our emotional imbalances. We can commune with each other by exchanging loving energy while we remain grounded in our own bodies without “losing” ourselves into one another.

Lovemaking energy is ecstatic; meaning that the energy has the ability to move, expand and rise. When we make love/have sex in this way we drop into a container of time and space where we can open to all the possibilities of deep connection. Physically, emotionally, psychologically, sexually, and spiritually, through all our senses, an unobstructed holistic connection. We have no idea how much time we have on this earth together, but we do know that we have these magnificent moments.

We can give ourselves the chance to get out of our mind’s judgements, fantasies and laundry lists of things to do and allow ourselves to be present. With a little diligence, I promise you, this practice won’t take long to learn.

Making love this way is the most revolutionary thing you can do for yourself and for your relationship. Its revolutionary because we have been conditioned from every possible source in our culture, that we shouldn’t take this time for ourselves and we should have sex the way we have been programmed to. This is false, so to do something differently seems almost defiant and that is one reason why its a revolutionary act. When you connect through authentic lovemaking you’re bringing respect back to your body and your relationship. Through relaxation based lovemaking your life force feels restored, refreshed and rejuvenated rather than drained and used.

Sex addicts don’t REALLY like sex. But what they do like is the rush of neurochemicals to the brain that keeps them hungry for more. Porn is fabricated from novelty. The voyeur evaluates people by race and other “genres,” over time a polyamory mindset becomes the norm.

Most sex addicts are also intimacy anorexics. Which means they prefer to either have fast driven controlled sex or no sex at all with a real person.

This isn’t really sex. This might be better referred to as getting off. There have been a variety of names that have been trending for porn addiction recovery such as; no fap and no nut.

No matter what the object of their attention is whether its porn, their wife, a prostitute, a happy endings massage worker the goal remains the same to get the dopamine fix not about connecting with a partner through intimacy to exchange loving energy and feelings.

The static (vs. ecstatic) energy of addictive “sex” allows for very little movement of energy in the body and concludes by discarding it.

Following the neurochemical spike, the energy drops to as low as it went high bypassing the sweet spot of homeostasis. Following the fundamental rules of modern neuroscience ‘what goes up, must come down’.

This wreaks havoc on the whole body’s system but mainly the endocrine system. Ultimately the body can’t keep up and the dopamine, and other receptors in the brain burn out and the body starts shutting down. This can then lead to porn induced ED (erectile dysfunction).

Unfortunately, for the partner of someone who has porn/sex addiction and their needs have taken a back seat, the impact on them can be devastating, disappointing and even abusive.

We are the pioneers on the brink of a whole new intimacy frontier and we can unequivocally say that sex/lovemaking IS necessary and we won’t settle for anything less!

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