Do Women Want to be Ravished by Their Man?
I’d like to start off by acknowledging the definition of ravished which comes from the Latin word rapere:
to seize and carry off by force.
to fill with strong emotion, especially joy.
and to rape a woman.
These definitions lead me to reason if the concept of ravishing came straight from the Archetype of Woman as Whore.
Many believe this archetype has only existed since patriarchy began and probably played a huge role in the erection of it. That’s not to say that there were no prostitutes and that rape didn’t exist before the last five thousand years but it probably wasn’t used as such a powerful tool to dominate a whole culture nor with such fervor as it is today.
In the beautiful documentary “Slow Sex” that articulates delightfully how couples feel when they change how they make love, a male partner said that he always thought that sex had to be intense. But since making love in a new way, he no longer felt the pressure for sex to be intense.
In the earliest Taoist teachings concerning sex, man is the pilot and woman the boat. This isn’t in a subordinate way, the man merely learns how to navigate rather than manipulate his own sexual energy while allowing himself to stay engaged with his partner. There is no ravishing necessary. Both partners come together on their own accord without the need to be swept off their feet or have their breath taken away.
Since most men learn how to have sex from viewing porn and most women learn how to have sex from men, we have all learned how to have sex through porn. Because porn is prostitution it has taught us how to have sex through the patriarchal construct of the whore archetype which has caused us to be out of balance for some time.
I know that many women, including myself, have seen the use of porn as nonsense. I didn’t take it seriously enough to consider it to be a threat to marriage or my quality of life. It turned out to affect my life in catastrophic ways!
Little did I know that in subtler ways I was living this whore archetype out in my own life by not taking my own sexuality more seriously. Finally, I learned a way of making love that could enhance my life beyond measure and the archaic Archetype of Whore, and all its trappings, was no longer needed. I was compelled to flush it out like a bad stain and usher in a richer more relevant sexuality.
As rape culture was gaining steam around the world I was waking up to the perils and detriment of its grip.
I began to realize, what we had been conditioned to believe was “locker room talk” like using words such as cock and pussy, originated from prostitute culture no longer had any significance attached to them whatsoever.
Loving each other doesn’t need to be intense to be good! Wow! Intensity usually springs from desperation that doesn’t belong in the bedroom or in relationship for that matter. Arising from either childhood or adulthood wounding.
Emotionality should regularly be addressed before intercourse either individually, together or both. Some emotions, usually the ones from far back in our past, can be quite sticky and need more time and care. Others can be cleared out quickly then we are free to move into deeper love together.
This new type of intimacy isn’t only for older people but for all ages of consented adults that aspire to connect through committed relationship.
With the patriarchally contrived Whore Archetype out of the way we can drop into the beautiful moment of love between two complimentary partners without one partner being inferior. How beautiful is that?
It’s critical for woman to make it clear to her partner that “taking her” isn’t necessary she already wants to meet him in a place of deep love. “Taking her” is also rooted in man’s unfounded sense of inadequacy. If only guys knew women don’t want to make love to a man she feels is inadequate anyway. So this is a non-issue for woman.
She just cannot be his “whore” anymore. This has been programmed so relentlessly into every corner of our culture. It takes no prisoners. On and on it churns.
Every mother wishes for her daughter that she would never had to find out about this disdain for women so that she could remain creative and empowered not belittled and subordinated.
The time has come for the reality to be revealed that the fabricated Archetype of the Whore permeating our beings is coming to an end. Dismantle it we must.
No longer the duality of good girl bad girl. only. us. woman. here. now. I like to look at this woman as the Centered Woman. She is the integration of all that we are the maiden, the mother, and the crone. Always beautifully cycling.
Men lose out as well when this duality, assigned to women, snares them into carrying the burden of this injustice.
No longer will we be conned into believing that sex is sinful because the accepted Whore Archetype has made it dirty.
Free from these chains of corruption love blooms and we are reminded at every turn that we are love!
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