Let's Talk About: Toxic Masculinity
I’ve seen and heard a lot of talk on facebook about women, especially during recent times, being shaming of men and boys. I watched a talk yesterday of a guy that is a mens relationship coach. What I took away from his rant was that women better be careful how they talk about men and boys. Also, that using the term toxic masculinity is shaming to them.
The way that this hit me was particularly sad. I felt like wow, he doesn’t get it. Of course, its wonderful when we can, at least, be relatively caring in our communication with all people. With that said, considering how women are finally finding a voice after 5,000 years of patriarchal reign and tyranny has been close to impossible for all women. Criticizing how we are choosing to use our voice is like comparing low-income family welfare to corporate welfare the deficit between the two is in the billions!
I showed the video to my almost 18 year old son and we had a fiery discussion about it. He sees plainly how women feel as if our voice has been locked in a coffin 6 feet under and that it has taken all our might to even crack the coffin open to get a little squeak of our truth through to someone.
There are too many stories to count how women are raped and they don’t tell because they are afraid of what will happen to the man.
What??? Our communication will be messy, it will be far from skilled sometimes. But, isn’t that the point women all over the world have been scanned, catcalled, manhandled, molested, raped, trafficked, kept down by a patriarchal legal system that won’t pay the costs to support women to get their child and spousal support payments, to be able to live a life where we don’t have to fear that our partner is looking at porn in the other room instead of us……ETC!
The truth is, unfortunately, MEN EMASCULATE THEMSELVES! This emasculation leaves the love, that women are fiercely passionate about giving them, in the dust. Women are dying from trying to please, get by, make excuses for men’s behavior, tolerate, cope, compromise etc. just to reach the love that through union will save the world.
My son had it right on when he asked me, “Mom why aren’t there men in the streets protecting women’s rights, why do women have to do all the work?” I felt like the clouds parted and there was Jeff Buckley’s angelic voice singing Hallelujah! I felt like, finally a man that knows what the hell is going on here.
I’m so pleased and inspired to hear more and more men committed to working on themselves. Although at this present stage in humanity’s development, women’s reality continues to get buried by putting the focus back on man’s experience. We have to look at the dirt and grime that men have created and make sure this time that they are being held accountable by us, by themselves, and by each other so that we can all finally live in love.
And yes, there is tons of conditioning that needs addressing but that is for another post.
Men want women to be beautiful in spite of all the ways that they harm us. We can’t. Our beauty is heavily influenced by the way that we are treated. Because beauty comes from inside and how we feel about ourselves. We need to stop pretending that how men treat us doesn’t matter. It does. Like we aren’t strong enough in our own character if we can’t handle a man shitting on us literally and/or metaphorically.
Some men are still defending online porn use like it isn’t a problem of epidemic proportions. If you’re one of them see Jeffrey Dahmer’s interview on Fight the New Drug’s website. Does that mean that all men that look at porn will become a monster like he did, no, but it is relative to the conversation of how women are being treated. Most men are not rapists or killers but the point is that love is getting killed. And that is in a lot of ways worse than death. The Romanian babies died without healthy attachment and love and we are too.
When the term toxic masculinity is used it is from the perspective of healthy vs. unhealthy attachment, or phrased healthy vs. toxic attachment or healthy vs. toxic masculinity, healthy vs. toxic femininity. Toxic is replacing the word unhealthy for emphasis because our society has gone past just treating each other unhealthily.
Our primary basic need above food, water is to have healthy attachment/bonding with one another. Which is why Karezza turns a heated up tension based sex into bonding based sex which allows mates to relax and melt into lovemaking for hours on end…day after day…in utter bliss…where blissful states never end where sustained connection is invited into our lifestyle each day.
Once again, women are yearning to make love, dance, celebrate, hold space for, communicate in a loving way….we know right down to our ever loving creator bones that true union in loving awakened relationship is more than possible, it is the answer.
Please, please, let’s not allow the tables to be turned so that our voices can ever be silenced again for both men and women’s sake.
The quantum leap that is required to save ourselves from all the ways that humanity and our earth is dying is upon us. What are we going to do about it?