Let's Talk About: Protector or Predator?
Note: Our intent, here, is to investigate societal roles for the purpose of unifying intimate partners.
As we continue to study the masculine, one word that has arisen to the top of our list is Protector.
More and more we have seen the decline of this role in most men.
The dictionary’s definition of Protector is a person that protects someone or something and a Predator is a person or group of people that ruthlessly exploits. Clearly, a protector keeps safe the vulnerable and a predator leaves many unsafe and vulnerable.
It isn’t a character flaw that men haven’t gained the capability to be the protector of women and their families. It is a tragically missed step in the development of a man. Men are missing out on their fundamental instinct to be the protector of their families, their values, and the planet. Women have taken the drivers seat as the protector.
This is where it gets tricky. Women are naturally nurturers, but we are being forced into the protector role, which is dynamic. At the same time, we personify our inherent nurturer role, which is receptive. The strain of taking on both fully, has proved to be disastrous for the health of women and their children.
Growing up, a boy sees his father as powerless, more predator than protector. When he falls in love he is forced to imagine what a protector might look like, given no role model, he is apt to take the road of predator also thus continuing the cycle. Over time, he loses sight of his objective as his role of protector. This creates the divide, in which case, women can’t feel safe to entrust ourselves nor our children with men that put us at risk.
Men deeply resent being left out in the cold while women fulfill both of these roles.
When a man turns to pornography it feeds their feelings of failure. Once addicted he becomes more and more likely to start fulfilling the role of predator by acting out in ways that he never thought he would. The line between his beliefs, morals and connection to his spirit become blurred and he becomes more and more scared over time that he can never find his way back again.
Men desperately want the attention and affection of the woman they love but aren’t capable of reciprocating. They seethe with congealed rage and turn to vices that serve as their traps.
Women relentlessly try to fix, bypass, excuse, teach, compromise and do anything we can, even beyond our means, to help men. But, we continually make the mistake of not drawing a line, with our partners, when it comes to their maturity. We are usually ignorant to the potential dangers that can lie ahead. Women are deeply grief-stricken when we realize that our man isn’t fulfilling his potential. We are exhausted from trying to keep up with both roles, so we lose touch with our most powerful tool, our intuition.
How can there be so many people on this planet that cannot find a way to sustain giving and receiving love?
Women have reached a place in time, where we cannot withstand any more emotional or physical abuse.
We ask ourselves, would we be raped with a protector? Would we be drugged with a protector? Would we be shot at with a protector?
Where are our protectors?
How different the world will be when women are consistently and powerfully protected by the men they love and that love us. We will no longer feel unsafe to walk to a bus stop in broad daylight, or go grocery shopping with our small children alone. These are basic human rights. There is something wrong when men cannot be trusted. Our fathers can’t support us, our brothers don’t believe us, our boyfriend’s pressure us, and our husbands abandon us.
Until men see that they have real power beyond their helplessness, there will be more tragedies, families will continue to be ungirded, and couples will remain disconnected and starved of love. They are beginning to see that to become a true protector the only way is through sustainable transparent connection.
When women fall in love our hearts illuminate from our awakened love that informs our path of freedom through feelings of safety. Men hold the key to this door. As men awaken, they experience the welcoming reception that they know is possible.
Men all around the world are beginning to see that the old paradigm of being a predator no longer represents them. As men learn to integrate all parts of themselves, they are emerging to become the men their hearts long to be. For the first time, they can see beyond the lies and conditioning that they inherited from the men who came before them.